Track six from Future Ghosts

 

 

night is collected in your room

you breathe its rhythm

 

dead lots

moonsong

 

taste

of your lips

 

these memories

are no longer mine

 

-

 

you window-watch

out there;

trees

brick

lawn

 

so still

 

suburbia foxed

under streetlight

car beams

you blade-dig

for welcome blood

 

-

 

your skin tastes of tears

of could have been

of a life lived

in the passenger seat

 

-

 

when the cosmic joker

fucks with you

he never fails to do so

with style and a sense of irony

 

-

 

you finger-write your love

in a bus window's steam

 

the bus pulls into depot

and all depart

 

only your words remain

until the next rain

 

-

 

that murmur you hear

ever in the air

and which you mistake

for wind;

the sound of the universe

laughing at its own absurdity

 

-

 

'when you're a kid

your world is filled

with magic'

you say

'but as you

grow older

your soul dies

from the inside out'

 

-

 

i have no difficulty

picturing you

on a beach

alone

 

undressing

stepping

into the waves

and never turning back

 

 

Much of this text was initially written as sketches for a supporting character in a future fiction. Most-all of it appeared, piece by piece, on my Twitter feed as it was written. The title is from a mental health assessment of sometime Jack The Ripper suspect Aaron Kosminski: "he declares that he is guided & his movements altogether controlled by an instinct that informs his mind; he says that he knows the movements of all mankind..." My text does not concern the Whitechapel killings; I was more interested in Kosminski's mindset. Do I think he was the killer? Probably not.

 

I cheated a little on this track, breaching my 'Shamania sessions' remit when creating the musical backing, since it draws very heavily from Jason Oliver's remix of the track Bipolar Binary, which you can hear on the Logos remix album Everything Under The Sky, and which was created some time after the Shamania album was finalised. It still counts, I think, since every aspect of that mix is found in the original. I did mess around with Jason's version for Future Ghosts purposes, quite considerably albeit subtly. The coda is taken from the unreleased Shamania-period track Friends.

 

Some comments:-

 

"night is collected in your room / you breathe its rhythm..." This line was likely inspired by the song Kosinski by The Angels Of Light (Everything Is Good Here/Please Come Home album, 2003).

 

"london's dead lots" - See Preludes by T S Eliot: 'And now a gusty shower wraps / The grimy scraps / Of withered leaves about your feet / And newspapers from vacant lots.'

 

"these memories are no longer mine" - see my text Fissure King, from God Thing: "Golden and ghost boy, where are you? Fool; you lived that life as if it were real. I don't recognise you any more. I don't recognise myself any more.'

 

"suburbia foxed / under streetlight / car beams / you blade-dig for welcome blood" - In part a sketch for a new character in a new fiction, as mentioned above, in part an imagined memory of my ex-wife, at her parents' house as a late teen and before I met her.

 

"your skin tastes of tears / of could have been / of a life lived in the passenger seat" - Have I changed at all? Has anything changed? All things are my property, yet never a part of me. This, perhaps, is the crux of the matter. All things my property yet never a part of me. Promise of ever now but nothing I can hold on to. 

 

"when the cosmic joker / fucks with you / he never fails / to do so / with style / and a sense of irony" - I wish I could remember which particular sequence of events inspired this.

 

"you finger-write your love / in a bus window's steam..." This line was indeed written on the bus home from work, drawing my twisted sketches, listening to my iPod, and people-watching. Note to self: a moving vehicle is a poor choice of venue when trying to draw a perfect circle.

 

"...stepping into the waves and never turning back." An imagined other, or autosuggestion? 

 

Currently reading: Under The Black Flag - Sami Moubayed

Currently listening: Hypnotise - System Of A Down